Childhood plushie,

I hold on to as if you were my childhood plushie,

Whimpering away at night,

Begging you told hold my hand until the storms passes.

I just want to be able to fall asleep.

Somehow that reminds me of the kid I used to be,

Time has a sense of humor,

The way it changes me into a stranger

You would only recognise me by my tears.

I tend to forget the small details,

The way the days change into months and then seasons.

Everything feels like a combination of the faded picture

Of the past and future

I can barely remember the dimples of your smile,

My hands are stuck clinging to the hoodie you have given me.

I still wish the days away,

But my hands keep dialling in the hotlines number,

I refuse to give into the temptations of my illness ruined brain,

Yet you promised to be my lifeline.

And something broke in me, when you said no.

I understand I always do,

Yet I wish you were around to tuck me into bed,

I wish you would pick up the phone so we can take our meds together.

I understand, yet the yearning after you can't seem to leave my heart

Saying miss you doesn't seem to cover it.