Comfort in chaos
" I don't feel safe "
I cant remember how many times I sent that text to a hotline
And as there is security in habits
I cant help to trace against my veins that I used to split open
For a fucked up way to have a chance of secureness in my bones
Its Wednesday and im eating sushi on my own couch,
I moved away and there is no one to yell my head off for eating at 4 am
Or for being messy,
Or for having basic needs,
Im in no need to tiptoe around them anymore
I still whisper to myself at night time
But this time it is true and will remain true
They cant hurt me ever again,
Or at least not like that
Yes there is comfort in chaos,
And I could trace my veins with a boxcutter for years,
But there is kindness in change
I still bleed dark blue ink to my papers,
And the past doesn't just erase itself
But I made it out of their hauses ,
" They cant hurt me like that ever again,"