Dying to be normal

Its been years since i felt the need to be fixed,

Years of people telling me im sick.

Years of people pleading me to get help.

And when you do get help , and you advocate for yourself, and it finally feels like life might be worth living, it might end up okay. The doctors look thru you , as you were a ghost, a number, not an actual human being. They are annoyed at you for trying to get the help you need. The doctor like hawks pick at your skin , throwing questions at you like hand grenades. They are annoyed that you dont know things no one told you. Your like an inncoent lamb in the hood of the wolves. You almost died to get into that doctors office, but you cant tell them that , then you might end up in a cage. So you end up playing their game.

Its been years of you wishing for a cure,

years of wishing that you could cut out your brain

years of wishing to be someone else, anyone else

Im nothing more than a problem to be fixed, a maths equation gone wrong by a five year old trying to be smart. Im a lab rat for the  dosage i have been craving. All those years thinking i needed to be fixed, thinking i was starving for a cure. Just to find out there is no solution, i cant be fixed. The idea of having to take pills to become yourself or to be able to function is sickening.

its been years of calling hotlines in the middle of the night

years of hiding myself from others cus it might scare them of

years of s