Happy birthday beautiful girl

It is not talked about enough,

This sensation of feeling you should have died years ago.

I cannot count on my hands,

how many times I promised myself this year,

That I would not live to this day.

They look at me with joy in their eyes,

I want to wrap my mind around it!

They are glad I'm here,

And I'm not sure,

Sure, I'm fond of my progress!

But listen, I'm only getting sicker!

I must be right?

I'm still starving for a cure!

Yeah, sure I stick to my crisis plan!

So, you don't have to put me into dirt before my time.

But listen to me, because my voice shakes,

I can barely make sense of my writings anymore.

I don't want to hurt you!

I don't want to be selfish anymore!

I'm better than that now!

I do want to be around for tomorrow to come!

I JUST DONT WANT TO BE IN PAIN!

Because I cannot remember a day,

That I did not spend writing down my symptoms and analysing them,

As they could always be a sign of an upcoming crisis.

So, as you smiled down at me with kindness in your eyes,

Wishing me happy birthday,

Asking me what I want to do,

I force a smile on my face.

And swallow the symptoms for a day,

And concentrate on your love for me.

That way I might trick my brain into,

Being kind to my soul even only for a day

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