Happy birthday beautiful girl
It is not talked about enough,
This sensation of feeling you should have died years ago.
I cannot count on my hands,
how many times I promised myself this year,
That I would not live to this day.
They look at me with joy in their eyes,
I want to wrap my mind around it!
They are glad I'm here,
And I'm not sure,
Sure, I'm fond of my progress!
But listen, I'm only getting sicker!
I must be right?
I'm still starving for a cure!
Yeah, sure I stick to my crisis plan!
So, you don't have to put me into dirt before my time.
But listen to me, because my voice shakes,
I can barely make sense of my writings anymore.
I don't want to hurt you!
I don't want to be selfish anymore!
I'm better than that now!
I do want to be around for tomorrow to come!
I JUST DONT WANT TO BE IN PAIN!
Because I cannot remember a day,
That I did not spend writing down my symptoms and analysing them,
As they could always be a sign of an upcoming crisis.
So, as you smiled down at me with kindness in your eyes,
Wishing me happy birthday,
Asking me what I want to do,
I force a smile on my face.
And swallow the symptoms for a day,
And concentrate on your love for me.
That way I might trick my brain into,
Being kind to my soul even only for a day