Im better now, so much better

I'm better now, can't you see?

My arms are clean!

My eyes are steady!

Every part of me is spilling over in my journal,

I can barely make any sense of it anymore!

If I talk about what hurts,

It will have no power over me.

Recovery is only a sweet illusion.

I will do everything to make you believe me,

Because can't you see?

I'm better, I'm better, I'm so fucking glad I'm alive because look,

-My teeth are all sharpened from eating all the torment!

-And my hands have calluses from building up my walls!

-I swallowed my sadness, except it creeps up my throat and I choke and drown in it.

The meds, sure I take them,

Nevertheless, I'm starving for a cure!

I want to drain this illness out of me!

Nothings seems to help anymore!

But don't worry about me!

I swear I'm better!

I cannot attend to your worry in a time like this!

I did not mean to burden you,

Its only you said, to call in times of need,

You threaten me with ambulances,

I only wanted your safety!

So, excuse me for my harsh words, but fuck you!

Can't you see I'm better?

I wrote safety plans,

I am making precautions,

I only meant to hold your hand till it passes,

Because it will!

But until then the hard truth is,

I'm in crisis!

I'm in pain!

But can't you see I'm better?

I'm so fucking better!

I have been trapped in my own personal cage for days now!

Holding on is killing my soul!

But don't you worry about me,

I will save my soul!

I will perform cpr on my own dying body!

I refuse to give into the temptations!

I'm so close!

So, don't you dare worry about me!

But please could you hold my hand till the pain passes?