Self-destruction is boiling over me

Yet I do not wish to be sad and weep all summer,

I do not want to sit inside and watch the weather get warmer.

As my scars turn bloody instead of white,

I do not want to be like this.

Yet I choose to be like this.

I do not want to be alone, yet destruction spirals around me.

And I can't force anyone to stay.

As long as my insides are torn apart,

And the torns cut anyone who dares to come close enough.

They want the best for me,

Yet I'm rotten from the inside out.

I cant explain this to you,

You who have been on my side since I could tell my truth.

I can barely open my mouth when it comes to you.

I can't talk about it.

I have no idea how to.

I wish to enlighten you why am I this way,

But I have no idea.

I feel joy, yet I still choose to take those pills again.

I have always watched people slip away.

I can't blame them,

Yesterday I became impossible to deal with again.

I was supposed to get better,

I did all the right steps,

I even made progress.

So why have I done this?

I'm still tasting deadly chemical on my tonguage.

My hands are still shaking,

My body shivering,

And a knife is still prodding my skin on an all too familiar way.