Terrors way

There are teeth marks on my wrist,

Or I suppose they look like such.

I must have been clenching them again without a notice.

Terror sweeps me off my feet,

I know how to deal with this,

I have dealed with this,

I grew up this way!

And yet!

My spine is growing heavy from carrying all this fear,

My limbs turning to stone once again.

I'm far too familiar with blood,

The way it flows and spills out of its place.

You tell me,

-you're doing all you can!

-you're doing more than enough!

-we believe you will make it through it!

I would love to believe your words,

Your words which are too pure and sweet to have been made for someone like me.

I don't tell you about the way the blade finds its way into my skin when all is right.

Or the venom that gets into my head just so the panic dissolves into numbness.

The night whispers to me,

Its voice making my head fill with vultures,

Picking the flesh apart.

The clock ticks in the distant,

Reminding me that my energies have ran out for today.

Reminding me for the inevitable,

There is no running away from it,

I cant turn my head against the current

I must rewire my brain from sabotaging everything sweet in my life ,

I must prove the trauma wrong.