The call
You asked if you could call me if you were ever really going to kill yourself,
Sure, but I won't write your goodbye letters.
I will not write your obituary,
Sure, I will have the best journalist in town write you into a better place.
I will have him quote Charles fucking Bukowski,
But I will not stop him, Because I will not write you into a better fucking place.
Because I stopped believing that place exists for us.
And if I don't have a right to leave this world on my own terms neither do you.
But if you call me at three fucking am I will write you a new sky,
I will write you your own farm, with your beloved horses,
And on this farm no one will take anything from you.
If you call me, I will write you a diy cloud maker
Just so on days when you can't do anything you can still make clouds
And ride away on your horses.
I will write you your way out of this,
But only if you make an effort to pretend to want to stay.
I will write you letters, for every day of your hospital stays,
I will put messages in bottles,
I will peel every fruit on the world for you , if that means you will eat something today.
I will write you songs if that means you will dance with me one more day
I can't write music but I will find Noah Kahan and have him write you an entire album.
I will write you a clean body, with veins that aren't begging to be split open.
And I know knives are easier to be found than therapists.
But we will find you a great one.
I will write you 116-111,
that's the suicide hotline,
We can call it together, and yeah you can call me,
But I won't tell you it's okay, that I forgive you,
I won't say I love you one last time,
I can't let you leave on good terms with me.
Because I will not forgive you
I won't read you your last letter and watch you absolve into dust
I can't watch you wither away.
I can't watch you sail away on ship, lit up in flames.
I will not hold your hand steady around a gun and razors
And after I will not come by to pick up the body part you have left specifically for me,
I won't look after your dead heart after your gone ,
As it is not yours anymore.
I will write you a thousand reasons to stay,
So, to answer your question, yes please call me if you ever going to really kill yourself.
Becouse I will tell you a million times how you make the world a better place,